Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
