I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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