She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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