I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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