Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
