I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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