cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
