Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
