Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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