overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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