WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
