people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
