My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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