Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
