somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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