omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My feet surprised me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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