how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
