There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
