you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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