I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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