I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
