Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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