i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
