That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
where are you?
Hypothermia
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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