the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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