How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's like iHOP with fire
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
