i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
