btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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