Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
