We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
