i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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