I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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