Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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