Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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