Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
