I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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