we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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