i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
