A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
