Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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