$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
