Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
