if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
