I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
