In the future we'll all be gay
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
