I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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