You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
