There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
