Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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