I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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