I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
