Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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