I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
