I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
