i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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