I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize