So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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