I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
