I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't deserve a penis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
