Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize