dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
