just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bring me that man meat
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
