He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
