u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
