Actions speak louder than pants.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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