Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
