Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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