My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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