Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
