I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
