But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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