This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
