He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
