Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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