all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
